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The hidden adversary
  1. ‘She was radiant, way out of my league’: a story of love and mental illness
  2. Maternal Burnout Syndrome: Contextual and Psychological Associated Factors
  3. Download or Print
  4. Part 2: The Duties of Men | Principles Of Marriage & Family Ethics |

The ulcer had eroded a large blood vessel. Bleeding heavily and in shock, Fred was a critically ill man. In the early s, scientists discovered the bacterium H. Following the medical establishment of the time, the Gordons attributed ulcers to a stressful lifestyle alone. The health problems of the suburban man, according to these books, are caused by his incessant motion across the landscape. He is always in a hurry, commuting to the city and back every day, going on business trips. But for the woman stuck in the new suburbia, the monotony of her surroundings—with only new gadgets for diversion—was thought to deepen her despair.

Their first case study is of "Alice Hager," a young wife and mother from a genteel southern family who moves to a New Jersey suburb with her engineer husband, Carl.

Studies in Pessimism by Arthur Schopenhauer

Alice is shy and old-fashioned. She waits for her new neighbors to introduce themselves rather than knocking on their doors. She hopes she will be invited to join local clubs. Winter comes, and the house itself begins to antagonize Alice. When she runs a red light on the way home one day, she becomes convinced that the police will arrest her.

She goes home and hides in the closet, where her husband finds her, weeping and terrified.

‘She was radiant, way out of my league’: a story of love and mental illness

For Mary Drone, the picture window in her living room becomes a mirror of "her empty life staring at her across the treeless, unpaved street," and she automatically closes the blinds against it. Purchasing labor-saving devices only gives her more time to watch TV and covet more devices in a joyless Catch of consumption. Suburban alienation, especially that of the s housewife, has become such a familiar cultural trope that we take it for granted.

Other writers describe suburban neurosis flourishing in a hothouse atmosphere of hyper-socialization, which could not be escaped and which broke down moral boundaries. In The Crack in the Picture Window , Mary Drone is swept into daily kaffee-klatsches despite finding the conversation mind-numbing.

Children troop in and out of the houses. Keats quoted the opinion of a social scientist: "In these communities, there is no real privacy. Against the Drones, go-along conformists who grow more miserable the longer they live in suburbia, Keats pitted the Wilds, the bohemian couple down the block. Adam and Eve Wild, as their names imply, exist in a prelapsarian state of indifference to suburban norms, and this is the key to their happiness. Adam is the only blue-collar man on the block, and unembarrassed to park his beat-up truck in front of the house.

Eve keeps to herself more than the other wives. Those strange, intelligent children, Abel and Delilah, seemed to regard Mary with a piercing compassion that was completely unnerving. An aura of self-sufficiency enfolded the family; the colors and furnishings of the Wild house made it difficult for Mary to believe she was in a Rolling Knolls home.

Maternal Burnout Syndrome: Contextual and Psychological Associated Factors

Not surprisingly, the Wilds are the first couple to move out of Rolling Knolls. None of the neighbors learns where they are going. Meanwhile, all those cocktail parties and cookouts start to generate sexual tension. Jokes become dirty. Hands graze knees under dining tables. In the potboiler The Split-Level Game by Louis Lorraine, presumably a pseudonym , protagonist Spence Hawk is fed up with his thrill-seeking wife Leila and "the rotten crowd in the suburbs where they lived, the Upper Dales set. Spence eventually divorces Leila and marries his mistress from town, and they decide to live in the city.

I got to hate that place," Spence says of his split-level. The action kicks off when Elena Anders, the impulsive young wife of a rich suburbanite, brings home her beatnik friends from San Francisco. Keats fell back on misogyny, portraying the women of Rolling Knolls as such mean and petty gossips that Mary Drone would not want their company—yet she, too, lacks self-awareness. In No Down Payment —a popular novel by John McPartland that was made into a Hollywood movie— the woman who adjusts well to suburbia is Betty Kreitzer, a devout churchgoer and civic joiner who feels fulfilled by her roles as wife and mother.

They found that young married women made up the largest share of psychiatric patients in Bergen County, and that suburban women were even developing high blood pressure and ulcers although not on par with their husbands. So she cares for her baby alone in her house, which she tries to keep spotless.

Finally, terrified that she will harm her baby or her husband, Gina flees to the police station in her nightgown. Her husband does more around the house. She enrolls in a class at the local college to rekindle her artistic talents. Her interest in sex declines as her condition stabilizes, but interestingly, the Gordons argue that her husband must meet her halfway and set aside his own WASPy hangups about sexual experimentation. Another depressed woman whom the Gordons profile is "Martha Kohler.

We are in competition today with new, tough nations that have arisen in once remote parts of the world. Russia and China are climber nations. Like ours, their mobility is breeding emotional problems … They are willing to work hard for what they want. Against this tough-minded determination only a sturdy people can compete successfully. We have been sturdy in the past, but a softening has set in. We will not be sturdy enough if the something-for-nothing syndrome weakens us much further.

In No Down Payment , Michael, the only child of dissolute Jerry and Isbel Flagg, has frequent and violent tantrums, his howls reverberating around the neighborhood. In one discomfiting chapter, Jerry and Isbel lock Michael outside on the patio while they get drunk, fight, and have sex, their Sunday night routine. They were rude to their parents and demanded spending money and expensive toys. They started experimenting with sex too early. There is no place for the children to play but in the yard, which is too small, or in the street.

More than the physical environment, however, it was the social conditioning of suburbia that was thought to be harmful. In another, the permissive mother of "Tom Krazinkow" declines to parent him because she wants her son to "find himself"; he continues to wet his bed until the age of 16, and ends up being arrested for peeping on women through their bedroom windows. The real problem with suburbia, Keats and the Gordons believed, was that it was a matriarchy.

Despite their sympathy for the struggling Gina Connings of the world, midcentury critics held mothers more or less responsible for all the disadvantages of suburban living. Incidentally, its author, Peter Wyden, was the father of Oregon Sen. Ron Wyden. In chapter two, "What Ever Happened to Daddy? Wyden worried the boys of suburbia were going soft. The masculinization of girls was also a concern. How much truth was there in these pictures of suburban dysfunction? Did the postwar suburbs really make their first inhabitants sick?

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Even at the time, the research findings of the Gordons and observations of Wyden et al. The science may be sounder, but the tone of moral approbation from the s still clings to many polemics against suburban life. Journalist William H. I now have 6 and am doing well. After that, I pictured myself hitting them with a hammer and them being badly hurt and unconscious.

These thoughts became intrusive for a while and were scary because I would never hurt them.

I was desperate to breastfeed because I thought it was the only reason my husband and daughter needed me around. He adored her from the second he saw her and I just did not feel that overwhelming, warm, glowy love that everyone told me I would experience. They bonded immediately.

He was an active and involved parent which, while wonderful, made me feel useless. He was so calm with her all the time, and I got so anxious and frazzled…clearly he was the better parent. Clearly he was the one suited for this. I could disappear, run away, or die and they would be just fine. The ONLY thing that kept me around was breastfeeding, because I was also convinced that formula would ruin my daughter. Had I known what I was going through I would have gotten help sooner.

After hospitalization, therapy, medication, and education, I have learned what I need to do to take care of myself. My baby is 8 months old and I still have intrusive thoughts of dropping him on the floor and seeing his little skull crack open with blood everywhere.

Part 2: The Duties of Men | Principles Of Marriage & Family Ethics |

Another one is me falling down the stairs while carrying him and landing on top of him, crushing him to death. I constantly worry I will scald his mouth and throat with his food even though I serve it to him at room temperature. I picture myself accidentally breaking his little neck while changing him. I have been on meds since before he was born since I have ptsd and both my doctor and I were concerned with me getting ppd. I was sure that there was a man watching our house waiting for the time to break in and take my daughter. I would go through the steps of getting my husbands gun out to protect us when this man broke in.

My 22 month baby is a late walker. He walked at 21 month old. When my daughter was a newborn, her cries overwhelmed me so much after trying so hard to get her to stop, I wanted to slap her or shake her. I yelled at her once, set her down, and cried in my bedroom. I was so confused. Who do I talk to without being judged?! Control yourself first, babies pick up if your tense. I got help for my postpartum depression soon after.